Yellow peril

Newcastle United's new away kit went on sale yesterday to the sort of acclaim normally reserved for the opening of a new lay-by on the A607 or the refurbishment of a KFC.

When a new kit goes on sale, hundreds of supporters customarily queue up to get exploited mercilessly by their club's merchandising machine.

Liverpool's club shop was swamped earlier this summer when the new kit came out, despite opening at five to midnight.

Geordies are famously passionate, and Sky Sports News viewers will realise they need no second bidding to mill around outside St James' Park of a weekday morning.

So how many of the 'best fans in the world' were in the queue when the megastore opened its doors? Three.

That's right. Despite Newcastle slashing 20 per cent off the sticker price (anyone who has been to a Sports Direct store will know that is the smallest discount Mike Ashley has ever given on anything), demand has been somewhat limited.

Even the bloke at the front of the queue struggled to muster any enthusiasm, saying: "I don't even like the shirt but I'm a Newcastle fan so I'm still happy to buy it. But I might wear a jumper on top of it."

It is a perfect storm. Newcastle change kits generally sell poorly because nobody in their right mind would turn up to St James' sporting anything other than a black-and-white shirt, half a dozen tattoos and a beer belly.

There is also a movement among some fans to boycott all merchandise until Ashley leaves the club.

In any case, who would want to purchase a new shirt that will forever be associated with the club's fall from grace?

Finally, and most importantly, it looks like... well, what does it look like?

Early Doors has trawled the internet for the best descriptions of this nightmarish vision in yellow-on-yellow, and here they are:

'It looks like a boiled sweet made from urine.'

'It looks like it's been used to mop up curry-coloured vomit from a Bigg Market pavement.'

'It looks like someone at adidas cut up a deckchair and sewed a Toon badge on.'

'It looks like Norwich and Blackpool got into a fight and this was the leftovers.'

'It looks like a Macken has designed it for a laugh.'

'It looks like a banana that someone has been sick on.'

Finally, from Newcastle fan forum:

'It looks like a tacky Championship team's strip...'

Bingo.

Via: Early Doors